What if a woman is raped?

A child conceived as a result of rape is entitled to live and be loved just as any other child. The baby (foetus) is innocent. He or she should not be killed simply because their biological father committed a crime. In dealing with unwanted pregnancy, the child could be given away or adopted by others.

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It all depends on your level of cultivation. If you are an experienced practitioner who practises non-violence in your daily life, the chances are you will be more likely to react calmly and intelligently without harming anyone. The compassion one generates could influence the intruder to be less violent. But in order to be able to react in an intelligent and non-violent way, our day-to-day training is important. It may take years to develop. If you wait till a crisis happens, it will be too late. And at that crucial moment, even if you know all the teachings – to embrace compassion, to be non-violent, it is only intellectual knowledge. Since it is not an intrinsic part of your being, you may not be able to act in a non-violent manner. The self-centred cherishing attitude, the fear and anger in you will likely obstruct you from acting that way. Hence, it is important to transform our knowledge into practice and to embrace loving kindness and compassion in our daily life. Here is the story of a practising Buddhist reacting in a non-violent way when confronted with a robber.

Home Intrusion and the Protection by the Triple Gems

(The following article is extracted from the Buddhist Society of Western Australia Newsletter, Feb/Mar issue, 2010)

On that fateful night of 19 January 2010, a masked intruder armed with a knife, garden fork and a hammer walked into my house through an unlocked door around 9 p.m. I was cooking in my kitchen and happened to turn around to be confronted by this strange looking masked man standing about 4 feet away holding up his weapons.

Extreme terror came over me. I let out two blood curdling screams in quick succession. In a split second, I went into denial as I stared into his face to see if it was my husband, Sunny dressed up like that to frighten me.

Hearing the screams, Sunny came flying into the kitchen to investigate. The intruder ordered both of us to lie down on the kitchen floor and not to look at him. He told us to just look at his feet to know where he was.

As we went down on the floor, Sunny started chanting “om mani padme hum,” the Buddha of Compassion’s mantra, and I joined him in chanting quietly under our breaths.

At that point I was shaking with fear. Thoughts of being robbed, bashed senseless, raped or even killed ran amok in my mind. Minutes later a calmness came over me. I even questioned myself then as to why I was feeling so calm.

The first thing I said to the intruder was “We are peaceful people. Just tell us what you want and we will give it to you but please do not harm us.” His reply to that was, “I am also a peaceful person. If you do as I tell you, I will not harm you.”

That was cold comfort to us as he was the one holding the weapons and looked quite agitated and menacing. He added, “I want money. My wife is pregnant and I am homeless.” To that Sunny said, “I have $50 in my wallet.”

When he opened the wallet, he only found a $20 note. So then I gave him my purse which contained $30. At that point I thought he would ask us to drive him to the nearest ATM to get more cash and then will probably finish us off, but surprisingly there were no demands from him for more cash or anything else.

He was quite happy with the $50 cash, mobile phone and our car. He said he would return the car keys another day and leave them in our letter box. He later changed his mind, saying he would drive to Warwick Station and leave the keys under the car seat.

During our half hour ordeal, he apologised numerous times and asked for forgiveness. Twice he sounded as though he was about to cry for putting us through all this. Before leaving he asked for my name and I said “Lee Chew,” upon which he said “Oh, Mr and Mrs Lee Chew. Give me a minute to pray, God please forgive me. I am very very sorry.”

Immediately I said to him, “We have forgiven you. I will pray for you and I wish you all the best.” Even when he had reversed the car out onto the road he called out to us to come to him and apologised one more time before driving off.

After he left, we felt no anger towards him. In fact we were thankful to him for not physically hurting us. We also felt a little sorry for him for having to commit such negative actions which will definitely bring great suffering to him in the future.

The TV reporters who turned up at my house the next morning requested to interview us because according to them it was a bizarre story. Initially I turned them down but when they explained that our TV appearance will serve to warn and benefit others, we reluctantly consented for that reason only.

Looking back now we actually had a gentleman robber who showed concern for his victims. Although we had the negative karma to experience this terrifying ordeal, we also had a lot of good karma to protect us from a worse outcome.

We can still rejoice in the fact we now have one less negative imprint to experience. One of my Dharma friends wrote in an email to me saying, “If there is one thing she had learnt from our misfortune, it is the power of mantras, the power of forgiveness and the power of staying calm”.

If the story appeared bizarre to viewers with the aggressor saying sorry and asking for forgiveness, it is equally bizarre with the victims expressing forgiveness, offering prayers for the aggressor and wishing him all the best.

As I have told him I will pray for him, I have been faithfully dedicating my daily merits to him and for him to find peace, happiness, contentment in accordance with the Dharma and to immediately cease to create terror in other peoples’ minds, to have every opportunity to hear the Dharma and be transformed by the Dharma. This is my sincere wish for him.

Lastly we’d like to thank all our Dharma teachers for imparting Lord Buddha’s precious teachings that must have influenced the way we handled ourselves at a time like that.

Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.
Lee Chew

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Many business people may think that it is impossible to keep the precept of not lying. However, consider this. If a business person is truthful in his/her claims and perhaps makes a little less on a honest transaction, the chances are that by creating trust, he/she would have gained a loyal client. In other words, being truthful does not conflict with doing business and can instead bring about long term success. I once read of a very successful businessman in Malaysia, whose success was due to his truthfulness and sincerity. The story goes like this…

After the businessman entered into a contract, the price of the necessary raw materials went up. If he stuck to the contract price, he would have lost money. Since there was no way to change it, the only choice would have been to “cheat” with cheaper, substandard materials. However, the businessman decided to courageously tell his customer the truth about the situation. His truthfulness and sincerity touched the customer, who then agreed to an adjustment of the contract pricing. The businessman is now one of Malaysia’s most successful.

Let us now take a look at the state of affairs in the consumer market today. There are many shoddy and fake goods that have harmed consumers. The Chinese use the term “black heart” (黑心产品) to describe such products. Just to quote an example, the 2008 Sanlu Milk incident in China killed four babies and left thousands ill. Business people who want to maximise profits produce such so-called “black hearted” products. These are harmful and are detrimental to public safety.

There are always ways and means to make money ethically. Therefore, we should always strive to be truthful and honest about our products or services, and the fourth precept sets out the guideline for us.

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There is a segment of the society which feels victimised by the modern economic system. They feel that multi-national companies such as Internet providers, phone companies, banks, chain stores, etc, have been ripping consumers off by charging high processing fees and interest rates, among other unjustified actions, and compelling consumers to contribute to their coffers. Some have argued that we have the right to steal for survival and have even outlined “ethics” for stealing – to take only what one needs, from multi-national companies who can afford the losses.

To reply to this, let us first take a look at the impact of modern advertising.

Most of us are exposed to a myriad of commercial advertisement – in trains/buses, along the highways, and on various media platforms such as the Internet, TV and radio. However, we often do not reflect on the impact that these have on us. Quite un-mindfully, we tend to believe what the advertisers say and we literally buy into this consumerist system. In reality, these commercial messages compel us to believe that we must possess certain things and if we do not, we are deemed inadequate or marginalised. Our unlimited wants are misinterpreted as basic needs, and often with undesirable outcomes. We start to believe that we need certain things when in fact we only want more.

The precept of not stealing sets the boundaries; it stops one from taking possessions which belong to others. Once we hit the boundaries, we bounce back to check our mind and action. The practice of mindfulness enables us to examine our mind. In fact it is our mind - the state of wanting something we do not have - that makes us feel poor, unhappy and dissatisfied. If we are not mindful, the discontented mind will compel us to steal. By looking deeply into ourselves, we will be able to find the underlying reasons which make us unhappy. Seeing the state of wanting and grasping, how it makes us and others suffer, we naturally begin to drop the thought of “wanting.” The only way out of poverty is through cultivation, to overcome the undesirable state of mind which traps us in inadequacy. Only when our evil roots – wanting, ill-will, and ignorance – are up-rooted, will we feel rich within and be truly happy. Only then will we become free and not be a slave to consumerism. The precept of not stealing also addresses what I will call the “sickness” of contemporary culture. It emphasises social responsibility.

Not only should we respect the property of others, but we should also not exploit them by enriching ourselves at the expense of others. In a capitalist culture, trying to maximise our profits fans our greed. This precept reminds us to be mindful and not become a slave to greed.

Stealing is never an answer to poverty or want. If we believe that it is alright to steal, we are creating insecurity and chaos. How would you feel living in a society full of thieves? Applying the “take from the rich” concept, the losers in the end are the consumers. Consider this – by stealing from a giant chain store – although they could probably write off the losses – the cost would subsequently be passed on to other consumers.

This is unfair to innocent consumers and also creates social disharmony and insecurity. According to Buddhism, if one is poor, he or she cannot become rich by taking others’ possessions. The Law of Karma and its results show that we are responsible for our actions and the results we experience due to them. In fact, if we steal, we are planting the seeds of poverty. If we constantly feel poor, such a mental state will certainly lead us to poverty! Conversely, generosity and sharing our belongings are the causes of wealth.

In the Parinirvana Sutta (佛遗教经), the Buddha said, “Contentment is the greatest happiness.” If we are contented, even if we sleep on the floor, we are happy; if we are not contented, even if we are in heavenly realms enjoying luxury, we feel dissatisfied. Ajahn Brahm, an Australian monk, goes to prisons to teach meditation. One day after a meditation session, the inmates asked him to share his story as a monastic. He told the inmates that there are walls surrounding the monastery just like walls surround a jail. Monastics wake up early, have only one meal a day and stop eating after mid-day. They do not have coffee breaks, and eat only what is donated to them. They sleep on simple beds, without TV, radio or newspapers. After hearing his story, the inmates told Ajahn that it is better for him to live with them in jail! Monastics live simple and frugal lives, yet they feel happy within. Regardless of being rich or poor, the mind is crucial.

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(taken from Thich Nhat Hanh, For a Future to Be Possible, 2007, Appendix 1, p107)

When you do two or three things at the same time, like eating your dinner, watching television, and having a conversation with friends at the dinner table, you do not do any of the three things deeply. You cannot truly taste and enjoy each morsel of food that your beloved one prepared for you. You cannot give your full attention to the television programme, and you will be unable to listen carefully to what your friends are saying. It is even more difficult if you have several sexual partners at the same time. Please examine this deeply. None of your relationships will be profound. Ask your heart whether you are really happy. It may seem all right now, but are you certain that you are not causing suffering to yourself or your partners? A superficial, non-committed relationship never leads to real happiness or peace.

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(Taken from Ven. Sangye Khadro’s article, Mandala Magazine, June 2007)

There is a lot of debate within Buddhism about this issue. There are some Buddhists who are vegetarian (no meat or fish), and some who are vegans (no animal products at all, including dairy products and eggs). And there are some Buddhists who do eat meat.

What did the Buddha himself say about eating meat? Well, it seems that he said different things at different times. This may sound like he contradicted himself, but the Tibetans say that the Buddha was a very skilful teacher who understood the minds and needs of his listeners and would teach them accordingly. So to some, the Buddha said it was okay to eat meat, provided that they did not kill the animal themselves, or order it to be killed. But to others, the Buddha said that if you are a follower of the bodhisattva path, and truly compassionate, you should not eat meat. To these people he spoke of the harmful consequences of doing so.

In fact, there is an entire chapter in the Lankavatara Sutra (a Mahayana sutra which has been translated into English) in which the Buddha spoke very strongly against meat-eating. So as I understand it, the Buddha did not actually forbid his followers to eat meat, but left it up to each person to decide this issue for him/herself. In a way, that was compassionate of the Buddha, because some people live in places and conditions where it would be extremely difficult to abstain from meat, and if they had to be vegetarian in order to be Buddhist, they probably would not be able to do it.

Also, some people are unable to be strictly vegetarian because of their physical make-up or their health. His Holiness the 14^th Dalai Lama is an example of this. He tried to be vegetarian, but his health suffered and his doctors advised him to eat meat. But I am sure he eats as little as possible, because in his teachings he often encourages people (especially the Tibetans, who are quite fond of meat) to either give up or at least cut down on the consumption of meat. His advice seems to be working, because I have noticed in the last few years an increase in the number of Tibetans who have given up meat, as well as Tibetan-run organisations promoting vegetarianism. I even heard that Sera Monastery in South India is a meat-free zone!

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If we have good reason to suspect that someone’s life is at stake, we should use our wisdom in how we reply to a question. We can give a nonsensical response, change the subject, or respond to another question instead because our intention is to save lives.

We need to be very mindful in bending the precepts and only do so in extreme cases. We should not allow “exceptions” to become the norm. We need to be very careful and look deeply, to see if we are bending the precepts for our convenience and then calling them “white lies” to justify them.

Our motivation for lying often is to conceal another action we did that we do not want someone to know about, and frequently that other action was a negative one. In this case, there are two non-virtues: the original action, such as sexual misconduct, and then the lie that is told to cover it up. Here we have to examine why we did the original action as well as why we want to conceal it.

If we reflect deeply, we will find that very often, we conveniently turn to white lies when confronted with difficult situations. In fact, if we are determined to keep the precepts, wisdom will grow. In other words, we use our resolve to deal with difficult situations without violating the precepts.

In my personal experience, when devotees brought food (dana) to the temple, they are usually fond of asking the monastics “Does it taste good?’’ or “Do you like the dish?” I knew they were not ready for a negative answer and they would feel discouraged or disheartened if I said I did not care much for the dish. Initially I told white lies, so as not to upset them. However, to me a lie was still a lie. I aspired to keep my precepts pure, yet I did not wish to hurt anyone. This required skilful means. As time went by, I began to think of better ways to respond. Instead of answering their questions directly, I chose not to answer. I would acknowledge their virtuous act of offering dana and supporting the monastics, and encourage them to continue with their kindness.

In doing so, I did not lie, and I did not upset anyone. When I got to know the devotees better and when I felt their minds were ready, I would give them positive suggestions on how to improve their dish!

Hence, when confronted with difficult situations, it is our cowardly mind that leads us to tell lies and conveniently use “white lies” as a license to lie. It is only when we are mindful, that we can see our intentions clearly. Our courage, determination and wisdom will grow if we keep the precepts faithfully.

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