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With modern technologies, communication has become very vast and sophisticated. Besides the telephone, we send instant messages online. In fact, we spend a lot of time talking. Yet if we look deeply, we do not need to talk as much as we think. We need to reflect on the content of our chats and our motivation behind the chatting.

Loneliness is one of the afflictions of modern life. People in modern societies often feel lonely, and many engage in chit-chatting via SMS and instant messaging, in the hope that the feeling of loneliness will then go away. However, idle-chatting/surfing the Net is never an answer to loneliness. Instead, it may bring more “toxins” into the mind. Each time you feel lonely and turn to your handphone or the Internet, you are cultivating the habit of idle talk, which may make things worse. If we are not mindful, we can easily get addicted to these modern technologies, and in fact, many young people do. They feel uneasy if they are unable to access the Internet. We need to be discerning in our use of information technology and help our young ones use it wisely.

During the Buddha’s time, there was no IT and hence, no precept set to guide its use. Today, we can use all the precepts based on the principle of non-harming, as a guide for IT use. If we look closely at the content on the Internet today, we detect a lot of violence, hatred, greed and fear. If we spend hours surfing aimlessly, we unconsciously sow seeds of violence and ignorance in us. When we do that, our children follow our example. We need to be careful of unhealthy content which is destroying the social fabric of our families and ourselves. Discussion within our communities about this can bring about greater awareness. It can also bring about ideas on how to protect children, families, as well as society from destructive websites. We should boycott those websites that spill harm into our societies and make an effort to warn others of their danger.

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Our intention is not to kill. We try our best to bring the least harm to all living creatures. We can avoid using harmful pesticides by using organic/natural ones that do not kill the creatures. For example, fresh pandan (pandanus) leaves are good for keeping cockroaches away without killing them. We also need to be aware of actions that may invite pests into our house. Some people have the habit of leaving dishes and cutlery in the basin after meals. Some wash the dishes only when there are no more clean plates and spoons in the cupboard. This will certainly invite ants and cockroaches into their homes. When their house is infected with ants and cockroaches, they start spraying pesticides. We need to be mindful and responsible for our actions. If we make an effort to keep our environment clean and dry, and keeping food out of reach, it will certainly reduce the incidence of pests. At other times when it is unavoidable, we just need to be patient and tolerant. With mindfulness and perseverance, we can do our best to minimise harm to living creatures. Refer to Appendix 1 (p87) for tips on how to keep insects away without killing them.

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Many business people may think that it is impossible to keep the precept of not lying. However, consider this. If a business person is truthful in his/her claims and perhaps makes a little less on a honest transaction, the chances are that by creating trust, he/she would have gained a loyal client. In other words, being truthful does not conflict with doing business and can instead bring about long term success. I once read of a very successful businessman in Malaysia, whose success was due to his truthfulness and sincerity. The story goes like this…

After the businessman entered into a contract, the price of the necessary raw materials went up. If he stuck to the contract price, he would have lost money. Since there was no way to change it, the only choice would have been to “cheat” with cheaper, substandard materials. However, the businessman decided to courageously tell his customer the truth about the situation. His truthfulness and sincerity touched the customer, who then agreed to an adjustment of the contract pricing. The businessman is now one of Malaysia’s most successful.

Let us now take a look at the state of affairs in the consumer market today. There are many shoddy and fake goods that have harmed consumers. The Chinese use the term “black heart” (黑心产品) to describe such products. Just to quote an example, the 2008 Sanlu Milk incident in China killed four babies and left thousands ill. Business people who want to maximise profits produce such so-called “black hearted” products. These are harmful and are detrimental to public safety.

There are always ways and means to make money ethically. Therefore, we should always strive to be truthful and honest about our products or services, and the fourth precept sets out the guideline for us.

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(taken from Thich Nhat Hanh, For a Future to be Possible, 2007, Appendix 1, p109-110)

Thay [Thich] Nhat Hanh advises us not to drink any alcohol, if possible. If you still have a strong inclination to drink, please do so mindfully. Look deeply into the conditions of your liver, your heart, and the fact that humankind is wasting a lot of grain and fruit making alcohol instead of feeding other humans. Meditating in this way will lead us to feeling uncomfortable when drinking any amount of alcohol.

If you are not ready to stop drinking entirely, please take the first four mindfulness trainings and try to drink mindfully until you are ready to stop. Thay [Thich] Nhat Hanh advises those who take the Fifth Mindfulness Training [Fifth Precepts] not to drink at all, even one glass of wine or beer a week. French authorities advise their citizens that one glass of alcohol is okay, but that three is saying hello to the damage that an accident can cause. But how can you have a second or third glass if you have not had the first?

Under normal conditions, we may drink one or two glasses of wine from time to time. But in moments of despair, we might have five, six, or seven glasses in order to forget our sorrows. This can lead to alcohol abuse. A lovely grandmother on a retreat in England asked this question, and I told her, “You are a moderate drinker, but are you sure all your sons, daughters, and grandchildren are like you? If during one or two moments of despair they gradually drink more and more and become alcoholic and destroy themselves physically and mentally, who would be responsible? Haven’t you participated partly in that process? If you keep the Fifth Mindfulness Training now, you may be the torch for the future generations of your grandchildren. You keep the mindfulness trainings as a bodhisattva and not as an order that you are forced to obey.”

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(taken from Thich Nhat Hanh, For a Future to Be Possible, 2007, Appendix 1, p107)

When you do two or three things at the same time, like eating your dinner, watching television, and having a conversation with friends at the dinner table, you do not do any of the three things deeply. You cannot truly taste and enjoy each morsel of food that your beloved one prepared for you. You cannot give your full attention to the television programme, and you will be unable to listen carefully to what your friends are saying. It is even more difficult if you have several sexual partners at the same time. Please examine this deeply. None of your relationships will be profound. Ask your heart whether you are really happy. It may seem all right now, but are you certain that you are not causing suffering to yourself or your partners? A superficial, non-committed relationship never leads to real happiness or peace.

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It all depends on your level of cultivation. If you are an experienced practitioner who practises non-violence in your daily life, the chances are you will be more likely to react calmly and intelligently without harming anyone. The compassion one generates could influence the intruder to be less violent. But in order to be able to react in an intelligent and non-violent way, our day-to-day training is important. It may take years to develop. If you wait till a crisis happens, it will be too late. And at that crucial moment, even if you know all the teachings – to embrace compassion, to be non-violent, it is only intellectual knowledge. Since it is not an intrinsic part of your being, you may not be able to act in a non-violent manner. The self-centred cherishing attitude, the fear and anger in you will likely obstruct you from acting that way. Hence, it is important to transform our knowledge into practice and to embrace loving kindness and compassion in our daily life. Here is the story of a practising Buddhist reacting in a non-violent way when confronted with a robber.

Home Intrusion and the Protection by the Triple Gems

(The following article is extracted from the Buddhist Society of Western Australia Newsletter, Feb/Mar issue, 2010)

On that fateful night of 19 January 2010, a masked intruder armed with a knife, garden fork and a hammer walked into my house through an unlocked door around 9 p.m. I was cooking in my kitchen and happened to turn around to be confronted by this strange looking masked man standing about 4 feet away holding up his weapons.

Extreme terror came over me. I let out two blood curdling screams in quick succession. In a split second, I went into denial as I stared into his face to see if it was my husband, Sunny dressed up like that to frighten me.

Hearing the screams, Sunny came flying into the kitchen to investigate. The intruder ordered both of us to lie down on the kitchen floor and not to look at him. He told us to just look at his feet to know where he was.

As we went down on the floor, Sunny started chanting “om mani padme hum,” the Buddha of Compassion’s mantra, and I joined him in chanting quietly under our breaths.

At that point I was shaking with fear. Thoughts of being robbed, bashed senseless, raped or even killed ran amok in my mind. Minutes later a calmness came over me. I even questioned myself then as to why I was feeling so calm.

The first thing I said to the intruder was “We are peaceful people. Just tell us what you want and we will give it to you but please do not harm us.” His reply to that was, “I am also a peaceful person. If you do as I tell you, I will not harm you.”

That was cold comfort to us as he was the one holding the weapons and looked quite agitated and menacing. He added, “I want money. My wife is pregnant and I am homeless.” To that Sunny said, “I have $50 in my wallet.”

When he opened the wallet, he only found a $20 note. So then I gave him my purse which contained $30. At that point I thought he would ask us to drive him to the nearest ATM to get more cash and then will probably finish us off, but surprisingly there were no demands from him for more cash or anything else.

He was quite happy with the $50 cash, mobile phone and our car. He said he would return the car keys another day and leave them in our letter box. He later changed his mind, saying he would drive to Warwick Station and leave the keys under the car seat.

During our half hour ordeal, he apologised numerous times and asked for forgiveness. Twice he sounded as though he was about to cry for putting us through all this. Before leaving he asked for my name and I said “Lee Chew,” upon which he said “Oh, Mr and Mrs Lee Chew. Give me a minute to pray, God please forgive me. I am very very sorry.”

Immediately I said to him, “We have forgiven you. I will pray for you and I wish you all the best.” Even when he had reversed the car out onto the road he called out to us to come to him and apologised one more time before driving off.

After he left, we felt no anger towards him. In fact we were thankful to him for not physically hurting us. We also felt a little sorry for him for having to commit such negative actions which will definitely bring great suffering to him in the future.

The TV reporters who turned up at my house the next morning requested to interview us because according to them it was a bizarre story. Initially I turned them down but when they explained that our TV appearance will serve to warn and benefit others, we reluctantly consented for that reason only.

Looking back now we actually had a gentleman robber who showed concern for his victims. Although we had the negative karma to experience this terrifying ordeal, we also had a lot of good karma to protect us from a worse outcome.

We can still rejoice in the fact we now have one less negative imprint to experience. One of my Dharma friends wrote in an email to me saying, “If there is one thing she had learnt from our misfortune, it is the power of mantras, the power of forgiveness and the power of staying calm”.

If the story appeared bizarre to viewers with the aggressor saying sorry and asking for forgiveness, it is equally bizarre with the victims expressing forgiveness, offering prayers for the aggressor and wishing him all the best.

As I have told him I will pray for him, I have been faithfully dedicating my daily merits to him and for him to find peace, happiness, contentment in accordance with the Dharma and to immediately cease to create terror in other peoples’ minds, to have every opportunity to hear the Dharma and be transformed by the Dharma. This is my sincere wish for him.

Lastly we’d like to thank all our Dharma teachers for imparting Lord Buddha’s precious teachings that must have influenced the way we handled ourselves at a time like that.

Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.
Lee Chew

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With the passing of time, society changes – there are changes in family structure, in value systems and so forth. Traditionally, marriage and building a family were almost compulsory. Life was considered incomplete without marriage and family. With modernisation, such a value system has changed. Women in modern society are independent; many do not need to depend on a husband for financial and social security. It has now become a trend that marriage is no longer compulsory, but rather an option.

Regardless of societal changes, we still need to be responsible for our actions. Sex should be an expression of love and long-term commitment between two parties contributing to mental and emotional well-being. In traditional Asian societies, a “long-term commitment” was built on customary/traditional marriages. As societies modernised, legal marriages replaced traditional ones.

Today, when people choose not to marry and still want to have sex; there needs to be a sense of responsibility and commitment towards each other, and also a sense of commitment in raising offspring (in case of pregnancy), and ensuring their happiness.

We also need to value the other person and show respect towards him/her, because a sexual relationship is one that involves two people trying to bond their lives. They will share ups and downs in life; they will share a sense of intimacy beyond superficial sexual attraction.

We should use our sexuality wisely and kindly. This means abandoning any activities that could hurt others physically or emotionally. We need to check and be mindful of one’s motivation and attitude towards sex. How do we relate to our own and others’ sexual needs? Is sexual activity an expression of love, or an expression of craving for sensual pleasure? Irresponsible sexual relationships will only cause pain and suffering to both self and others.

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